Yesterday I had a job interview, with the possibility of becoming an assistant/receptionist at an architectural firm. I then went to a cafe, where Billy Crystal told me that I look mahvelous, and my espresso saucer said, "Good luck." How could things not turn out great?

Human Nature

I heard from a yoga instructor a few weeks ago that yoga should not be practiced on the full moon. He didn't know why. It's hard for me to imagine choosing to not practice yoga in the morning, as it seems to be one of my rituals that helps to ground me and even just to help prepare my body for whatever I do that day. So I thought I'd look it up, and this is what I found.

It has to do with the gravitational pull of the sun and moon, their position relative to each other, and the fact that our bodies are 70% water. If the moon is going to affect the sea, of course it's going to affect me.

A full moon is the time when tides are the most extreme, when many things are at their most extreme, including human behavior. It is said that we have the tendency to be headstrong during a full moon, and are less likely to listen to the needs of our bodies, thus more likely to injure ourselves.

At the new moon, we tend to be more grounded and calm, but also less inclined to exert ourselves, or generally tired, so you can see how that might affect a yoga practice.

There it is. Simple enough, I suppose.

Apparently, the lunar cycle also has an effect on gardening: "The Farmers Almanac recommends planting seeds at the new moon when the rooting force is strongest and transplanting at the full moon when the flowering force is strongest."

I say all this, think about all this, because it's incredibly mysterious and fantastical to me to think that the moon and the movement of the moon has so much to do with how we feel, how we act, how much energy we have. It reminds me of something I read one time, about the Santa Ana winds and how people in California act differently when the winds come, behave in a bizarre manner, and it's mostly due to the winds (I think it was Los Angeles Notebook by Joan Didion - I really want to read that again). I can't quite put my finger on why these things intrigue me so. It's mysterious and magical, and we get to be part of it. We get to move with the moon, sit with the sun, and learn the secrets of the universe.

Another conversation for another day is the coinciding of the lunar cycle with a woman's cycle. I may be having that conversation with myself, but I'm interested to know why they coincided when people were living outside, and can we make them coincide again if we're more in tune with and pay more attention to the cycle of the moon.

My former English professors bid me cite my source: ashtangayogacenter.com/moon

I ain't sayin' she a gold-digga . . .

I've been thinking about money a lot lately. I do that when I find I don't have any. There are a couple of scriptures I've heard lately that have made me even more mindful of my financial situation, both found in Luke 3, actually. One says, "John answered, 'The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.'" There's just part of the other verse that resonated with my thinking: " . . . be content with your pay." I know you're supposed to take context and all these other things into account, and I'm not really one who analyzes writings in the Bible or anything like that. I just heard something that made me think even more about what I was already thinking about.

Ever since the beginning of 2011, there's been part of me that wants to look for a new job, one that I'll enjoy and that pays at least a little more. It doesn't have to pay a lot, just enough for me to be able to save money even if it's not tax return time.

But then another part of me says," Yeah, but you can pay the bills with what you have. Why do you need more?"

The other part of me answers back, "Because I have money for almost nothing else. There's no room left for plane tickets to see family, gift-buying, tattoos, more yoga, generosity. That's why."

"You don't need more tattoos. And maybe you're just not budgeting well," says the other part.

Part one says replies, "I know I don't need more tats. I also realize that I don't need to eat out, or drink alcohol or coffee, but they're things that I desire, and things that, for whatever reason, I am unwilling to give up at this time. So I will make room for them as long as I can. And some things aren't vital for survival, just vital for living well. I'm a human who likes to enjoy life. What do you want me to do?!"

"Lower your standards."

Okay, I'm ending that silly dialog with myself there. I am going to look for another job that pays at least a bit more, so that there will be room to save. In the meantime, here are some things I want to do or am already attempting:

Be more mindful - drink slowly, eat an open-faced sandwich with just one piece of bread, consider what I really need or feel is important to me while making purchases.

Pay more attention - write down everything I spend, at least on the I spend it, instead of a week later when it's too late. I've gotten better, but not good enough. None of it really seems good enough right now though.

Be more honest. This is a sensitive topic for most people. Personally, it makes me feel like an idiotic child when I have nothing left, and others are depending on me to have something, and I am quite shamed. I owe it to them to at least be honest with them about it. Maybe they can even help me figure out what the heck I can do differently. I'll probably find that they're much more gracious to me than I am to myself, and that they know exactly how I feel.

Lower my standards. Really. I think I have a bit already, but I feel that there has to be someway that I can get by with what I have. Others have done it, are doing it. I can too. I just need to stay aware, on top of it. If only I wasn't so bad at that in general.

Okay, I'm done berating. I think I'm done typing. Thanks to anyone listening. Thanks to anyone thinking of me.

What to do, what to do . . .

So (my apologies to all the people who are driven crazy by a sentence starting out with the word "So"), I enjoy writing a blog from time to time, and would like to write one more often, but I feel that I need something to write about. Something specific. The events of my life are not enough, I suppose. They're enough for me, but I guess not enough to compel me to write. Or perhaps I don't like getting so personal. I don't need or want to write every day, but I think I would like to at least once a week. Thus begins my little brainstorming session:

Adventures in Yoga

Adventures in Biking

Boring Happenings in Yoga/Biking

What else do I do or love?

Books, and Reading Them

Writing Letters

I haven't done much knitting lately, so let's not write on that for now. Not much traveling either. Maybe it should be more general. Maybe I just need to make it a point to write on one of my days off. Maybe I'll make some tea, read some of my book, and sleep on it.

On the topic of yoga, I would like to share that I blacked out for the first time the other day. Not in a yoga class, actually, but in a Qi Gong class. Not a big deal really, just out of the ordinary.

On the topic of traveling and reading, my parents are planning to come up here from GA in late summer so that we can drive up to Alaska, so I am reading a book that is a traveler's coastal guide to Alaska. It's actually about water travel, so far, but has a lot of interesting information, and lots of pretty pictures.

There they are, the events of my life.

5, 6, 7, 8, who do we appreciate?!

Me: I have strong legs that can walk miles, and a strong personality that can show through even what I thought was my usual timidity.
Dodger: It's no surprise that we all love you, but you still surprise and delight us all!

Me: I thought about buying a $20 book today, but didn't. I don't pay perfect attention to my finances, but I am aware, and say no to things pretty regularly. Also, I surprise myself at how good I am at keeping in touch with people.

Teresa: You're good at keeping in touch with me.

Me: I have compassion for the underest of underdogs.

Doug: It is underestimated how great your attitude is, especially considering things you may have seen.

Me: I am no longer afraid to cry.

Sloane: Thanks for playing your harp.

4

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
-Mary Oliver
My favorite poem read tonight, I think.

Me: I am playful and light-hearted, always ready to laugh, always hoping to make you laugh, or at least smile.
Melissa: You are so unrestrained in your love for others. How could you not be a favorite of most?

2 and 3

I didn't do this yesterday. I remembered when I laid down in bed, but it was too late for me then.

So, for yesterday . . .
Me: I actually called in sick, an event rarely heard of. It was needed, and it was nice. I do feel that I have a fairly good awareness of my body, how far it can go, what it takes to make it feel better. Not always, but often.

Matt: He was very compassionate when he saw that I still wasn't well. He wasn't feeling well either, and hadn't been for a few days, and was still way more attentive to the fact than I had been towards him.

For today . . .
Me: I'm really good in customer service situations, or receptionist situation, whichever it is that I do in my volunteer hours. I smile, and I'm resourceful and know how to at least look for what it is that people need. I would do that for a job.

Anna: You are a talented and charming conversationalist.

30 Days of Good Things

I just got a really good idea from a friend (I hope you don't mind my using this, Diana): blog/say/write/think one good thing about yourself a day, for 30 days. I think I'll add in something good about someone else too, a different person every day.

Me: I am so, so proud of myself for not freaking out when my phone doesn't light up.

LauraAnn (sister): The one who brings out my most natural laugh.

This is neither here nor there . . .

Here I am, on Water Ave, between the river and the train tracks. I'm here in Portland, here with close, close friends, here where I want to be, and trying not to worry about when and how it will change and how much that will hurt. Here I am, with a new bar in my ear, marks on my arm, clothes to look cute in, and still feeling like an idiot half the time. But I'm here, listening to a really great song right now ("Can you hear the beat of my heart? . . . Bomba bomba bomba bomba bomba bomba bom!"), glad that it's not as late in the day as it seems, ready to make it last even longer.